


Foss in therapy, part 1

by belmanoir



Series: Foss in therapy [1]
Category: Kyle XY
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-01
Updated: 2012-04-01
Packaged: 2017-11-02 20:52:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/373212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/belmanoir/pseuds/belmanoir





	Foss in therapy, part 1

Tom knew when he got the phone call that it wasn't going anywhere good.

"Mrs. Trager?"

"Mr. Foss, hi. I was hoping we could set up a time to meet this week when the kids are at school."

"Are Kyle and Jessi all right?"

"They're fine," she said reassuringly. "There are just some things I want to talk to you about."

"Let's talk now."

"If you'd prefer. Would you like me to meet you somewhere?"

"I'll be right over."

###

"Can I get you anything? Tea, coffee?"

"No thanks. What did you want to talk to me about?"

Her brow creased. "Won't you sit down?"

He settled awkwardly onto the couch, anticipation itching at the back of his throat.

She fixed those sympathetic eyes on him. "Kyle is worried about you."

For a second he thought he must have heard her wrong. "What?"

She nodded. "He thinks you've been having a hard time dealing with Adam Baylin's death."

He barked a laugh. "A hard time? What does that mean exactly?"

She sighed. "He says you've been withdrawn and irritable, and that you've been pushing him and Jessi harder than usual in training."

"That's ridiculous."

"Dealing with the death of a loved one is difficult even in ordinary circumstances. You have a lot of unusual responsibilities, and from what I understand, a limited support system. I can't even begin to imagine the stress you must be under. I can recommend a wonderful grief counselor--"

"No," he said flatly.

"You need to talk to someone," she said firmly. 

He stood up. "Tell Kyle and Jessi I'll see them at four."

She stood too. "Mr. Foss, this doesn't have to be antagonistic."

"That's why I'm leaving, so it won't be."

"If you walk out that door, Kyle and Jessi won't be there at four."

His knees actually felt weak for a second. "What?"

"If you don't find someone to talk to, I'm stopping their training with you. Under the circumstances, I don't think it's safe."

"It's not safe to stop!"

"I don't want to do this--"

"Then don't."

"Kyle loves you very much, and he's worried about you. The last thing I want to do is make him feel like he's being punished for trying to help you. But I can't allow you to continue training them if I'm worried about your focus and stability. Of course you would still be welcome to spend time with him and Jessi--"

"Stopping their training is not an option."

Her mouth twisted. "It's my responsibility to protect them, and I--"

"No, it's my responsibility!" he burst out. 

She straightened her shoulders, and he remembered all of a sudden why he'd trusted her with Kyle. "Then protect them! I know you care deeply about Kyle and Jessi. You want what's best for them, just like I do. Do you _really_ think this is the best you can give them?"

What if it was? He swallowed the taste of panic. "Look, if you want to give me a psych eval, do it yourself and get it over with."

"I don't want to evaluate your mental health. I want you to talk to someone about what you're going through."

"Right. What I'm going through. You want me to go to this friend of yours, this grief counselor, and tell her--what, exactly? That I worked for a man who grew people in pods? I can't talk to anyone and you know it."

Her mouth tightened stubbornly. "I still see my therapist. I just leave some things out."

"I'm not taking that risk."

"Then Kyle and Jessi are grounded from training until further notice. I'm sorry."

He really, really didn't want to do this, but it was the only compromise he could see. "I'll talk to you."

She started back. "I don't think that's appropriate."

"Why not?"

"It's never a good idea to do sessions with people you know personally. There are boundaries that need to be in place for therapy to work."

"You didn't say therapy. You said talking."

She sighed. "You provide a lot of support for other people. You deserve a chance to talk to someone you trust, who's only there to listen to you."

"That's my offer. Take it or leave it."

"Mr. Foss--I really can't. I don't know if Kyle told you this, but a social worker came here a while back. She told me she thought I was crossing boundaries, that I didn't have a good separation between--"

"I looked into that," he told her. "She worked for Latnok. She never filed any kind of complaint about you."

She stared at him. "What?"

He nodded.

Her lips parted in shock, and she sat down abruptly. "I--well. I'm sure whatever you did to find that out was illegal, but thank you. It's a big relief."

"That's settled, then. Let's get this over with."

"I still believe in keeping a separation between my personal and professional lives," she said, and sighed. "This is a bad idea, but it's all I'm going to get from you, isn't it?"

He didn't say anything.

"Would you like to step into my office?"

###

"Are you sure you wouldn't like something to drink?"

Actually, something to drink sounded wonderful, but it wasn't an option. "I'm fine."

She sat down, a yellow legal pad in her lap. "Would you rather just talk, or would you like me to ask you questions?"

He shifted in his chair, already antsy. "Why don't you ask me questions."

She nodded. "Tell me a little bit about Adam Baylin."

Tom spread his hands. "He was a great man. You met him, didn't you?"

She nodded. "He came when Kyle was sick." She waited for him to say more. She was patient. He could hear the clock ticking. It had ticked through three minutes before she asked, "How long did you know him?"

Tom rubbed at his temples with his thumb and forefinger. "Fifteen years. He hired me after Zzyzx turned on him."

"That's a long time."

It didn't feel like a long time, but he nodded.

"What did you do for him, exactly?"

"I was his head of security. I kept an eye on Zzyzx, I set up the defenses at his house, that kind of thing."

"You protected him."

"I was supposed to."

"But you think you failed."

"He's dead, isn't he?"

"How did he die?"

Tom closed his eyes. "He wore himself out. Pushed himself too hard. His body couldn't keep up with his mind." 

Another long pause. "What did that look like?"

Suddenly he got it. This whole thing, she just wanted to know about Baylin. He opened his eyes, and leaned forward. "You don't need to know. It isn't going to happen to Kyle and Jessi," he promised her.

Her lips parted, trembling, for a moment. He could see her fear. But then she tilted her head and it was gone like it had never happened. "Oh, no. Don't turn this around into you protecting me, now, too. If you don't want to talk about it, we don't have to, but you wanted me to do this. Don't use it as an excuse to avoid difficult subjects."

He rubbed the back of his neck. Little blond woman who'd never been in a fight in her life, and she was making him look like a coward. "He just lay there. His brain was still whirring away, but nothing could get out. He couldn't tell me anything."

"Was there something you needed to know?"

How about everything? "No."

"What would you have liked him to tell you?"

He laughed again. "What difference does it make? He didn't have anything to tell me." She watched him, calm and sure, and this time he lost the waiting game. "It reminded me of when Kyle was a kid. I always wondered if he felt trapped inside the pod, but really I knew he was fine. It was all in my head."

"What was?"

He looked away, embarrassed. 

"You wanted Adam to want to tell you something, like Kyle, but you don't believe that he did. Is that what you're saying?"

"I guess."

"How does that make you feel?"

He made a violent gesture. "Oh, for God's sake."

"Feelings don't go away just because you don't talk about them," she said gently. "It's like trying to build a dam with no release valves. The water pressure builds, and it takes more and more force to hold it back until-"

"Look, I'm not a kid. You don't have to give me metaphors for everything."

She smiled at him. "Sorry. Force of habit." She hesitated. "I agree that Mr. Baylin was a great man. But when I met him--well, it struck me that he might not always be easy to deal with if he didn't consider you his equal."

Great. Baylin had been rude to Nicole. "He wasn't much used to people."

Her smile widened. "That's what Kyle said. You don't have to make excuses for him. I liked him, actually. I was just wondering--when someone dies, it can become very difficult to acknowledge that we're angry at them. But those feelings don't just go away. And on top of that, a lot of times we feel abandoned when someone dies. Angry that they've left us."

"You think I'm angry at Baylin because of the way he treated me?" he asked incredulously.

"Are you?"

"No! I'm _angry_ because he was supposed to train Kyle. He knew what the hell he was doing. I--" His voice stopped working abruptly, fortunately before it cracked.

She set a box of Kleenex matter-of-factly on the small table by his chair. He blinked hard and ignored it. "Do you think the same thing that happened to him will happen to Kyle and Jessi?" she asked gently.

"I won't let it."

"You couldn't stop it happening to Mr. Baylin."

"You think I don't know that?"

"Is that why you've been pushing the kids hard in training? To make sure they don't wear themselves out?

"Maybe."

"When you think about the same thing happening to Kyle and Jessi, how do you feel?"

"I don't think about it." Of course he thought about it. He thought about it and he didn't let himself think about it, so it was always there, like when you stopped talking to yourself for a second and realized you'd had a song stuck in your head all day.

"How does it make you feel?" she asked again.

"What, you want me to draw you a diagram?"

She gave him a crooked smile. "I have crayons in the desk."

"You know how it makes me feel."

"If I know, and you know, then what does it hurt to say it?"

He stood up. "It's been an hour. What do I owe you?"

She rose from her chair. "This one's pro bono. I'm not going to blackmail you into therapy and then charge you for it. Same time next week?"

He nodded without looking at her and left.


End file.
